I've always been one to keep my feelings to myself, I don't have many close friends, and I never want to burden my family with my problems any more than I already have. So, when I have a crappy day, week, or month, I tend to hold it all in. Then, I finally explode.
I did tonight. I feel like no matter what I do in life, it's just not good enough, it's not the right thing to do, and I can't make anyone happy. For awhile, I've been thinking about how I am so far away from the person I used to be. I used to be this happy go lucky girl, I didn't let anything bother me, and I could make even the meanest person crack a smile. But lately, I feel like I'm only that mean person, and I DON'T feel like smiling. If it wasn't for my kids, I'd consider renaming myself Scrooge, or The Grinch. Year round, not just for the Holidays!
I don't know where I lost myself, so much crap has happened in my life that I just never recovered from, even though I thought I would. I guess holding everything in took it's toll on me, and now I'm paying the consequences for that.
So, as much as I'd love for this blog to have a fun, positive vibe, the next few weeks it may be a venting spot for me, so I apologize in advance!!!